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How to Survive in the Third World States of America

It’s 2028. Our non-binary Emporer/Empress Kamala Harris has outlawed guns, meat, combustible engines, gas stoves, and testicles. Americans are starving except for those lucky enough to live in t...

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13 Struggles Of People Who Are Bad At Receiving Gifts

'Tis the season for grinning and bearing it.

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Cubs Fan Ready To Get Completely Drunk Again On Only 2 Days’ Rest - The Onion - America's Finest News Source

The Onion, America's Finest News Source.

I've known some of these guys. It seems pretty accurate.

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Man Announces Plan To Take Out Anger On First Less Powerful Person He Sees - The Onion - America's Finest News Source

The Onion, America's Finest News Source.

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Things No Self-Respecting Adult Should Be Doing on Facebook

Welcome to the Internet in the 21st century: where teenagers pretend to be 30-year-olds, and 30-year-olds act like teenagers.

Don't do it!

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Good News! Walmart Fixes Everything by Playing Less Canadian Music | NOISEY

The first step in making sure your employees are happy is to not play any more Celine Dion or Justin Bieber.

This is pretty funny...it's also some well intentioned wishful thinking.

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College Encourages Lively Exchange Of Idea

BOSTON—Saying that such a dialogue was essential to the college’s academic mission, Trescott University president Kevin Abrams confirmed Monday that the school encourages a lively exchange of one idea.

Dear Onion: thank you. This needed to be pointed out in a way that maybe even the college students themselves could understand. Homogeneity of thought reigns supreme on today's campuses and it is enforced by semi-totalitarian administrationa under the guise (ironically) of "free speech," "diversity," and "safety." It is the world of George Orwell.