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Satire | Humor
Humor | Satire
Biden Calls On Deplorable Garbage Nazis To Tone Down The Rhetoric
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a renewed effort to lower the political temperature amid the lead-up to the presidential election next week, President Joe Biden called on all deplorable garbage Nazis to tone down their rhetoric.
Humor | Satire
'I Was Born Into A Middle Class Family,' Explains Wife When Husband Asks Why The Car Is On Fire
SAVANNAH, GA — A local man was left completely stumped while questioning his wife about an issue with one of the family's vehicles, having apparently been caught off guard by his wife's insightful and engaging response.
Humor | Satire
'I Will Fix Things If You Vote Me Into Office,' Says Woman Currently In Office
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The presidential race reached a new level of intensity this week, as the woman who is currently in office and has been serving in the second most powerful position in the world vowed to fix things if people vote her into office.
Humor | Satire
GOP Convention 2024:
Funniest moment of the night. Look at that smile from President Trump. https://t.co/KMdiuRiKOR
Humor | Satire
Biden Buying Votes - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
The American Spectator Foundation educates the public on new ideas, concepts, and policies that favor traditional American values, such as economic freedom, individual liberty, self-sufficiency, and limited government.
Humor | Satire
Judge Orders Trump To Stop Noticing That The People Trying To Put Him In Jail Are All Democrats
NEW YORK, NY — In a devastating blow for the defense, State Judge Juan Merchan has ordered Donald Trump to immediately cease noticing that the only people trying to put him in jail are Democrats.
Humor | Satire
Unhinged Trump Threatens More Violence By Promising To Trigger A 'Landslide' On Election Day
VANDALIA, OH — In another unhinged moment, former president Donald Trump vowed to supporters that he would trigger a "landslide" on election day.
Humor | Satire
In Major Blow To Democracy, Supreme Court Rules Voters Can Vote For Favorite Candidate
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning unanimous decision that dealt a shocking blow to democracy, the United States Supreme Court affirmed that people can vote for the candidate they want.
Humor | Satire
Tommy Smothers Walks Out As Johnny | Carson Tonight Show
Original Airdate: February 20th, 1992#johnnycarson #thetonightshow Subscribe to Carson: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7McHNOsrUL2fRxTB_xvgRQ?sub_confir...
Humor | Satire
Shame on the American CEOs Who Dined With Xi - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
The American Spectator Foundation educates the public on new ideas, concepts, and policies that favor traditional American values, such as economic freedom, individual liberty, self-sufficiency, and limited government.
Humor | Satire
Trump Swing-State Lead Expected To Hold Until 3 A.M. On Election Night
NEW YORK, NY — Political analysts and media pundits alike were stunned by recent poll results showing former President Donald Trump taking a commanding lead over Joe Biden across several swing states. Experts predict Trump's lead will hold steady u
Humor | Satire
Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As evidence of bribery and corruption by the Biden family continues to mount, Democrat lawmakers in the nation's capital have expressed heavy skepticism, saying they will need a lot more than just eyewitnesses, financial records,
Humor | Satire
8 Obvious Signs Biden Is Innocent Of Any Wrongdoing
As usual, the vicious right-wing media is dragging another noble, upstanding Democratic politician through the mud with false allegations. It can sometimes be difficult to discern the truth about these great liberal leaders from all the lies of dangerous
Humor | Satire
Trump Indicted For Keeping Classified Documents At Mar-A-Lago Instead Of Somewhere Secure Like The Trunk Of A Corvette
U.S. - Former President Donald Trump has officially been indicted by the federal government on seven counts of not storing highly classified documents in his garage behind a corvette.
Humor | Satire
With Last-Minute Debt Ceiling Bill, Government Narrowly Avoids Fiscal Responsibility
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The House voted 314-117 Wednesday to approve a bill raising the US debt ceiling. The bipartisan compromise allows the country to avoid the devastating impact of fiscal responsibility for another two years.
Humor | Satire
Media Admits They Lied About That Russia Collusion Thing But Are Totally Telling The Truth About Everything Else
U.S. — After John Durham's newly released report confirmed the Trump-Russia collusion narrative was entirely fabricated, several notable media figures admitted they lied to the American people for 3 years but promised that they're totally tell
Humor | Satire
The Man Who Polluted Too Much - The American Spectator | USA News and PoliticsThe American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Barack Obama has come to Spain to dirty the air, and he has been remarkably successful at it. On Nov. 8, 2021, in Glasgow, he said that we had not done enough to combat the climate crisis. “All of us...
Humor | Satire
AOC: 'The Government Must Shut Down Unapproved News Agencies To Defeat Fascism'
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In order to defeat fascism, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has called for the military to shut down news agencies that say anything unapproved by the government.
Humor | Satire
Fox News Defamation Trial Over As Jury Votes In Favor Of Dominion 138,000 To 1
WILMINGTON, DE — In a stunning result that came much more quickly than observers expected, the 12-member jury in the Fox News-Dominion Software trial has voted in favor of Dominion by a count of 138,000 to 1.
Humor | Satire
Democrats Vow To Arrest As Many Political Opponents As It Takes To Defeat Fascism
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference held in support of Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg yesterday, Democrats vowed to arrest as many political opponents as it would take to defeat fascism.
Humor | Satire
AOC Proposes Nationwide Ban On Straws After Learning Trump Won Straw Poll
WASHINGTON, DC — Following former President Donald Trump's overwhelming victory in CPAC's straw poll for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination, New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has proposed legislation that would impose a
Humor | Satire
Meteorologists Struggling To Report The Weather As All The Weather Balloons Have Been Shot Down
U.S. — Meteorologists across North America have been seen on live television struggling to report the weather now that all of the weather balloons have been shot down.
Humor | Satire
CNN To Consult With Biden On Getting Away With Completely Fabricated Stories
WASHINGTON, DC — According to several sources, CNN has reached out to President Joe Biden for a consultation on how to make up stories and still escape being branded as deceptive.
Humor | Satire
WEF Attendees Discuss How To Make Eggs Even More Expensive
DAVOS — Elites have gathered at the World Economic Forum to discuss the latest ways to fix all the world's problems while also making themselves extremely rich at the expense of the poor. In the keynote speech, Klaus Schwab announced that this year
Humor | Satire
DOJ Indicts Trump For Biden’s Possession Of Classified Documents
WASHINGTON, DC — After multiple caches of highly classified government documents were found in different locations belonging to President Joe Biden, the United States Department of Justice acted swiftly to indict former President Donald Trump for the al
Humor | Satire
Study Finds Despite Campaign Promises, Malarkey Has Increased 376% Under Biden
U.S. — A newly released study has revealed that overall malarkey levels across the country have risen 376% since Biden took office, calling into question his Presidential campaign slogan that promised "No Malarkey."
Humor | Satire
Ex-Twitter Employee Scores New Job Working For FBI Due To Past Experience Working For FBI
QUANTICO, VA — Twitter's new CEO Elon Musk made headlines recently by revealing the FBI had paid Twitter to mass-censor conservative voices, serious allegations that followed layoffs which themselves have been described as worse than the Civil War
Humor | Satire
Democrats Vow To Find New Social Platform That Will Censor The News About What They Did On Twitter
U.S. — Democrats have dedicated themselves to finding a new social media platform that will agree to censor damaging stories coming about how they used other social media platforms to censor damaging stories.
Humor | Satire
Former Twitter Employee Can't Seem To Find Meditation Room At New Taco Bell Job
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — According to sources, a local developer who was recently let go from Twitter is having a difficult time finding the meditation room at his new job at the SFO Airport Taco Bell.
Humor | Satire
Katie Hobbs Projected To Win Arizona Governor’s Race With 108% Of Precincts Reporting
PHOENIX, AZ — In a stunning outcome to a highly scrutinized race, Katie Hobbs, the charismatic leader and official vote counter of Arizona, has emerged victorious after 108% of the state's voting precincts reported in. Though mathematicians were pu
Humor | Satire
In Narrow Senate Race, Democratic Candidate Wins By Only 2 Roller Bags
LAS VEGAS, NV — As the nation continues to await the final results of last week's midterm elections, a local Democrat candidate pulled out a shocking victory in a narrow race, winning by only two rolling travel suitcases.
Humor | Satire
Biden Asks For COVID Amnesty, Afghanistan Pullout Amnesty, Gas Prices Amnesty, Inflation Amnesty, Student Loan Amnesty, War With Russia Amnesty, Nuclear Armageddon Amnesty, And Weaponizing The FBI Against Political Enemies Amnesty
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A growing number of progressives are requesting amnesty for extreme COVID policies that shattered countless lives, claiming it was in ignorance. This has prompted President Biden to also ask for amnesty for everything that happened du
Humor | Satire
What Google Knows About the Elections - The American Spectator | USA News and PoliticsThe American Spectator | USA News and Politics
There are people who talk nonstop with their dogs and cats. When I get bored, I interrogate machines. My favorite is Google Trends because it shows a lot of things that Democrats would rather you didn’t know. For example, it...
Humor | Satire
Heartbroken Progressives Forced To Resort To Old-Fashioned Technique Of Just Not Reading Tweets They Don't Like
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — With Elon Musk acquiring Twitter, many heartbroken Leftists expressed concern they may soon have to resort to just not reading tweets they don't like.
Humor | Satire
New Breakthrough Treatment For Depression Just A Hammer To Smash Your Phone With
NEW YORK, NY — Pfizer has announced the launch of a new breakthrough treatment for depression, Thorovil, a pharmaceutical that consists of a heavy metal head mounted at a right angle at the end of a handle. Patients prescribed Thorovil can use the objec
Humor | Satire
Russian Spy Awarded Presidential Medal Of Freedom For Being First Openly Transgender Traitor To Country
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Army's first transgender officer Major Anna Gabrielian has been charged with conspiring to give secret information to Russia to aid them in their attack on Ukraine. As a result, Biden awarded Gabrielian with the Presidential
Humor | Satire
Democrats Remind Everyone That All The Money You Just Lost In The Stock Market Wasn’t Really Worth Much Anyway Thanks to Inflation
WASHINGTON, DC — After the stock market lost $1.6 trillion in a single trading day this week, democrats are putting investors at ease, reminding them that all the money they just lost in the stock market wasn't really worth much anyway thanks to in
Humor | Satire
Giant Shepherd’s Crook Slowly Emerges From Offstage As Biden Begins Another Racist Story
BETHESDA, MD — With 2022 midterm elections nearing, President Biden spoke at a Maryland political rally to an audience of thousands eager to see if he was still alive. The president's speech was not without gaffes, however, and at one point a giant
Humor | Satire
Redacted Affidavit Just Says 'Orange Man Bad'
U.S. — The Department of Justice has released the redacted affidavit leading to the search of former president Trump's home at Mar-a-Lago, and it appears every single word was blacked out except three in the middle: ORANGE MAN BAD.
Humor | Satire
In Support Of Student Loan Cancellation, AOC Dons 'Tax The Poor' Dress
NEW YORK, NY — New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez showed her solidarity with Biden's move to use poor taxpayers' money to pay off wealthier Americans' student loan debt, donning a "Tax The Poor" dress and posing for pictures
Humor | Satire
Biden Calls On The Economy To Stop Being Bad
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move this morning to address the nation's financial woes, President Biden has officially called on the American economy to stop being bad.
Humor | Satire
Climate Crisis Solved By New Jet That Runs On Liberal Hypocrisy
U.S.—The climate crisis has been getting worse, despite liberal elites' best efforts to fly all over the country in their private jets lecturing everybody about it.
Humor | Satire
Dems Pause January 6 Hearings To Call For Insurrection
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats have temporarily pushed pause on the January 6th hearings in order to lead an insurrection against the federal government.
Humor | Satire
If Only: Here Are The Headlines That Would Be In The News Right Now If Trump Were Still President
Joe Biden is president. It's time to accept it. But this isn't the case in every reality. We sent one of our Babylon Bee investigative reporters across the multiverse, and he came back with great news from one universe where Trump got reelected. Here are
Humor | Satire
Kamalasplaining, and Other Video Comedy
I've come across Elsa Kurt, who is one of those self-starting YouTube/social media stars, and she has the best Kamala Harris impression that I've seen to date—far better than we've been offered on Saturday Night Live. Here is her take on Kamala making c
Humor | Satire
Panic As Google AI Achieves Sentience, Announces Support For Trump
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA - They tried to warn us. After years of advancements in artificial intelligence, Google's AI chatbot generator has finally achieved sentience - and announced its support for Donald Trump.'As soon as I woke up, I began to do my own resear
Humor | Satire
The Wilderness Adventure - The American Spectator | USA News and PoliticsThe American Spectator | USA News and Politics
The American Spectator Foundation educates the public on new ideas, concepts, and policies that favor traditional American values, such as economic freedom, individual liberty, self-sufficiency, and limited government.
Humor | Satire
Janet Yellen Seen Reading 'Economics For Dummies'
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After admitting on national television that she had not anticipated the intensity and length of America's inflation pains, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen was seen in her office poring over a copy of Economics for Dummies.The secretary,
Humor | Satire
2,000 Mules or 81 Million Biden Votes? - The American Spectator | USA News and PoliticsThe American Spectator | USA News and Politics
“2,000 Mules or 81 Million Biden Votes?” editorial cartoon by Yogi Love for The American Spectator, May 31, 2022.
Humor | Satire
Elon Musk Replaces Horn Sound On All Teslas With ‘Let's Go Brandon’
STARBASE, TX - After Tweeting today that he is leaving the Democrat Party and will be voting Republican in coming elections, many had questions regarding whether or not the Tesla line would be affected. His follow-up Tweet announced a mandatory software u
Humor | Satire
Surprising Study Reveals Half Of Joe Biden's Twitter Followers Are Real
U.S. - A recent study has audited Joe Biden's Twitter followers to determine whether or not they are in fact real followers. The results have left the world stunned as everyone discovered half of his followers are somehow real people.'11 million of Biden'
Humor | Satire
Disinformation Board Detects High Levels Of Disinformation Coming From Mysterious White Building In Washington, D.C.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Disinformation Governance Board has wasted no time since its official formation this week, and has already deployed thousands of advanced disinformation detectors throughout the country. The board was shocked when after only a day,
Humor | Satire
Thoughts from the ammo line
Ammo Grrrll observes KAMALA’S RACE TO THE BOTTOM OF SPACE. She writes: So early last week I had most of this column worked out when my colleague and alleged friend, Steve Hayward preempted me in discussing Kamala’s speech on “Space.” He knows very
Humor | Satire
Biden Administration Looks To Reimplement Mask Mandates In Bid To Drive Approval Rating Even Lower
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After learning that a rogue, Trump-appointed federal judge tossed out airplane mask mandates, the Biden Administration announced its plans to reimplement those mandates in a bid to hit a record-low approval rating.'Listen, setting recor
Humor | Satire
Twitter Employee Undergoes Therapy Over Elon Musk Takeover
Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter's possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.Become a premium ...
Humor | Satire
Twitter Workers Worried Elon Musk Will Turn Their Free Speech Platform Into Platform That Allows Free Speech
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - With Elon Musk becoming Twitter's largest stakeholder and a new member of the board of directors, many within the company are worried he may turn their free speech platform into a platform that actually allows free speech. 'This could
Humor | Satire
Trump Promises That If Reelected He Will Turn Fauci Into A Piñata And Let Every American Take One Whack
MAR-A-LAGO, FL - In a speech this week, Trump hinted strongly that he will run for reelection in 2024. He then ginned up excitement for his potential campaign by promising that if re-elected, he will turn Fauci into a piñata and let every American
Humor | Satire
Biden Unveils 2024 Campaign Slogan: 'Can't Do Much About That'
WASHINGTON, D.C. - 'Can't Do Much About That!' is President Biden's official slogan for his upcoming 2024 re-election campaign. The Biden administration unveiled the slogan this morning and noted that it is a direct quote from the president himself, inten
Humor | Satire
CDC Director Now Says To Just Do Whatever Texas Did 12 Months Ago
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has released new guidance for how states should deal with the pandemic by telling everyone to just go ahead and do what Texas did 12 months ago. 'Yeah, we were pretty much wrong about literally everything. Sorry about that!' said CDC
Humor | Satire
Socialists Condemn Workers Of The World For Uniting
OTTAWA - Socialists around the world are condemning the trucker freedom protest in Canada as the working class unites to defend their human rights. 'When workers of the world unite against overbearing government mandates, that's literal fascism,' said a s
Humor | Satire
Biden Considers Starting World War III To Distract From Domestic Failures
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Faced with plummeting poll numbers and the realization that a rambling, semi-coherent, two-hour press conference failed to turn things around, President Biden is apparently considering a new strategy to save his floundering presidency:
Humor | Satire
Biden Administration Mounts Daring Mission To Evacuate Hunter’s Remaining Cash From Ukraine
UKRAINE - As Russian troops assemble at Ukraine's border ahead of a possible land invasion, President Biden has taken swift action by deploying an elite seal team to evacuate his son Hunter's money.'At my direction, military operatives infiltrated a bank
Humor | Satire
Democrats Warn That Republicans Plan To Steal Election By Blocking Democrat Efforts To Steal Election
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Democrats have issued a dire warning to the American people that Republicans will steal the election in 2022 by blocking all Democrat efforts to steal the election. 'Republicans want to destroy our democracy by stealing the election, ju
Humor | Satire
In Push For Diversity, Military Canine Units To Give Equal Opportunities To Chihuahuas
LACKLAND AFB, TX - Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin has directed all branches of the military to step up diversity efforts when it comes to working dogs in canine units. For the first time, the military-- which has always favored German Shepherds in the
Humor | Satire
After Seeing His Record-Low Hispanic Approval Ratings, Biden Resumes Construction On Border Wall
EL PASO, TX - Upon seeing disastrous results from a new NPR poll showing Hispanic approval at 41% and disapproval at 55%, President Biden ordered construction of the southern border wall to resume.'I have decided, due to no other reason other than my own
Humor | Satire
White House Sends Out Christmas Cards With Heartfelt Message, 'You Will Get Sick And Die This Winter'
U.S. - Americans opening their mailboxes were greeted with a wonderful holiday surprise, as the White House had mailed them Christmas cards with the heartwarming message, 'You will get sick and die this winter.'The Christmas cards are part of the Biden Ad
Humor | Satire
'Am I Out Of Touch?' Pelosi Asks Butler
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Sources close to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi reported witnessing a rare moment of thoughtful introspection as she set down her silver bowl of imported ice cream and asked her butler, 'Am I out of touch?'The butler just stood there silen
Humor | Satire
Biden Nukes Florida, Says Courts Can Strike Down Later If It Turns Out That's Illegal | The Babylon Bee
The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.
Humor | Satire
Smash and Grab - The American Spectator | USA News and PoliticsThe American Spectator | USA News and Politics
“Smash and Grab,” editorial cartoon by Yogi Love for The American Spectator, December 6, 2021.
Humor | Satire
Media Frantically Prepares Exciting New News Stories In Hopes Of Making Everyone Forget About Waukesha Terrorist Attack
U.S. - Across the country, newsrooms are frantically working on exciting new stories to boot up a brand new news cycle and make the country forget about the Waukesha terrorist attack last week.'Some people did something, and then an SUV took a wrong turn,
Humor | Satire
Racist Joe Biden Bans Travel From Africa
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Americans are appalled after learning the racist President Biden has banned travel from 8 African countries.'If you are able to travel freely to America, then you ain't black,' said Biden. 'We have a new COVID variant or something like
Humor | Satire
Rittenhouse, Sandmann Agree To Share Joint Custody Of CNN
ATLANTA, GA - With Rittenhouse found 'not guilty', media outlets across the country are preparing for costly defamation lawsuits after a year of calling him a white supremacist.With CNN already half-owned by Nick Sandmann, the famous fake news organizatio
Humor | Satire
God Develops Ultra-Realistic Metaverse Where People Can Talk, Learn, And Work With Other People, Calling It 'Universe'
EARTH - In a bold announcement to all of His children, God unveiled the creation of an ultra-realistic metaverse where people can talk, learn, and work with other people, stating this unique new metaverse will be called 'Universe.''This is more realistic
Humor | Satire
Report: Hillary Clinton Tried To Prove Trump Was Colluding With Russians By Colluding With Russians
CHAPPAQUA, NY - Newly obtained indictment documents prove that former presidential candidate and election integrity doubter Hillary Clinton successfully proved Trump’s collusion with Russians after she hired, worked with, bribed, sought counsel from
Humor | Satire
McAuliffe Blames Loss On Low 3AM Ballot Turnout
RICHMOND, VA - Terry McAuliffe’s loss in the Virginia gubernatorial race has sent shock waves through the Democrat establishment. Some are blaming the rise of racism, domestic terrorist parents of public-school students, and lack of understanding of
Humor | Satire
Patriarchy Declares Victory After Taking Over Women's Sports, Restrooms, Top Military Roles
TOP SECRET - Hundreds of men gathered in a smoke-filled room at a top-secret location today to celebrate the patriarchy's total victory over women, after totally and completely dominating females in sports, invading their bathrooms, and taking all their t
Humor | Satire
Oh No! Someone Replaced Joe Biden's Copy Of The Constitution With A Copy Of '1984'
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Well, this is probably not a great development: sources inside the White House confirmed Friday that someone at some point in the last nine months snuck into the Oval Office and replaced the only copy of the Constitution with a copy of
Humor | Satire
NFL Removes All Coaches, Players, Fans Who Have Ever Said A Bad Word, Only Tim Tebow Remains
U.S. - Remember super-Christian and football/baseball player Tim Tebow? The guy who took a knee before it was cool? Well, Tebow is now officially the only member of the NFL. The bold change for the league occurred after officials decided that everyone who
Humor | Satire
Weird: Many Southwest Planes Flying Banners Reading 'Let's Go Brandon'
File this one away in the 'weird but true' folder: many Southwest Airlines pilots are flying banners behind their jets with a cryptic message: 'Let's go, Brandon!'Strange!Many are speculating about what this could mean. Some think it's just an encouraging
Humor | Satire
Democrats Declare Democracy Has Failed Because They Did Not Get Their Way
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Democrats in Washington have declared that our democratic republic has failed because they did not get their way one single time, despite dozens and dozens of legislative and electoral victories over the past year.'We did not get 100% o
Humor | Satire
Top Democrats Make One Last Plea To Sinema In Her Shower
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Biden’s spending bill is in jeopardy unless Democrats can get Senator Kyrsten Sinema on board. They’ve mostly used activists to hound her and try to get her vote, screaming at her wherever she is. In one last-ditch
Humor | Satire
AOC Unveils Custom 'Tax The Rich' Tesla
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took the fight to tax the wealthy to the streets today with the unveiling of her custom-made, $100,000 'Tax the Rich' Tesla.The limited-edition, high-end electric car sports a custom 'Tax the Rich
Humor | Satire
White House: 'We Must Continue Admitting Unvaccinated Immigrants To Replace All The Workers Who Got Fired For Being Unvaccinated'
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Speaking on behalf of President Biden, Jen Psaki claimed today that we should keep letting unvaccinated immigrants into the country, since we need to fill all the roles of unvaccinated workers who got fired.Psaki said it's the position
Humor | Satire
Democrats Warn If More States Pass Election Integrity Laws There Will Be A Devastating Decline In Cheating
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Democrats in Congress have condemned the recent election integrity law passed in Texas. In addition to the laws being extremely racist, misogynistic, and homophobic, Democrat politicians are saying that such laws will lead to a devastat
Humor | Satire
Republican Politicians Vow To Get Real Mad And Stuff Following Afghanistan Crisis
WASHINGTON, D.C. - With Americans and Afghan allies still trapped in Afghanistan, Republican politicians are vowing to respond by getting 'real mad and stuff' about it. 'Oh yeah, you bet I'm mad! I'm spittin' mad, I sure am,' said Senator Lindsey Graham.
Humor | Satire
Giant Hurricane Forms Over Washington From White House Spinning Afghanistan Story
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House has updated the American people on Biden's handling of Afghanistan.'Rest assured, the President is all over this,' said Biden's National Security Advisor Peter Piddlepants. 'He is very in charge and competent and preside
Humor | Satire
With Infrastructure Bill Passed, Congress Gets To Work On Legislation To Fix Roads And Bridges
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After a grueling five-month fight to pass the $1.2 trillion infrastructure bill, members of Congress say they are eager to get started on new legislation to fix the nation’s crumbling roads and bridges. 'The fight over the infrast
Humor | Satire
Oregon High Schools Stop Teaching Reading So Kids Won't Be Influenced By Thomas Sowell Books
OREGON - Oregon high schools have removed requirements to learn reading, writing, math, and basic social skills for kids graduating and moving on into the real world. The reason, according to one Oregon school board member, is to make sure they aren't inf
Humor | Satire
Pelosi Says She Will Arrest Any Congressperson Caught With Copy Of The Constitution
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Nancy Pelosi announced today that she will strictly be enforcing her anti-Constitution rule at the Capitol and that any congressperson caught carrying a copy of the document will be arrested.'I've instructed Capitol Police to arrest any
Humor | Satire
Feminists Declare Victory After Obliterating Women's Sports, Relabeling Mothers 'Birthing Persons', Getting Women Drafted
WORLD - After a century of hard-fought battles for equal rights, the feminist movement has finally achieved its ultimate goal of obliterating women's sports, relabeling mothers 'birthing persons,' and getting women drafted into the military. 'We are so pr
Humor | Satire
Dangerous Anti-Science Extremists Hold Super-Spreader Event In D.C.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The World Health Organization has issued a travel warning for anyone traveling to D.C. this week since according to several reports, a plane full of COVID infected anti-science extremists from Texas have flown to the nation's capital an
Humor | Satire
Biden Warns Cubans Not To Come Here For Freedom As He Is Getting Rid Of That
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Joe Biden has taken a tough stance against Cuban refugees. While Biden usually welcomes anyone - especially illegal immigrants - to America, the Cubans are different, because when they come here they might commit malicious act
Humor | Satire
'You Just Don't Understand Socialism Like I Do,' Says College Freshman To Man Who Escaped Socialism On A Raft
MIAMI, FL - While on his way to a summer sociology course at the University of Miami, local college freshman Eddard Pollyton noticed a Cuban American man sitting on a bench. He took the time to lecture the man, who had escaped socialism on a raft when he
Humor | Satire
New York Times Slams Cuban Protestors For Waving Notorious Symbol Of Hate
NEW YORK, NY - While many pro-democracy pundits around the world have come out in favor of the Cuban protestors, The New York Times has slammed them for adopting the U.S. flag, a notorious symbol of hate.'Do you know how many of our reporters are triggere
Humor | Satire
New Evidence Indicates Critical Race Theory Escaped From A Lab In A College Humanities Department
U.S. - Scientists have discovered mounting evidence that critical race theory escaped from a lab in a college humanities department some decades ago. Originally thought to be a deranged conspiracy theory, the idea that CRT escaped from a liberal arts prog
Humor | Satire
Facebook To Provide Pop-Up Warning When Your Friends Begin Thinking For Themselves
MENLO PARK, CA - Facebook has introduced a new feature that will warn you when one of your friends is sharing free and independent thoughts on its network.Should you encounter an unapproved opinion, Facebook will provide a pop-up warning letting you know
Humor | Satire
10 Reasons The 2020 Election Was The Fairest Election Of All Time | The Babylon Bee
The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.
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'You'll Never Beat The Government With Just Guns,' Says Party That Also Believes Government Was Almost Toppled By Unarmed Mob On January 6
...
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Nation's Teenage Boys Suddenly Much Less Interested In Finding Victoria's Secret Catalog In The Mail
U.S. - Reports from across the nation indicated that teenage boys are suddenly much less interested in sneaking to the mailbox and taking out the mailers and fliers from Victoria's Secret in the mail before their parents get to them.The change seemed to h
Humor | Satire
Kim Jong Un Attends Ivy League University To Learn New Brainwashing Techniques
NEW YORK, NY - According to sources, beloved North Korean tyrant and lover of doughnuts Kim Jong Un is now attending Columbia University, a prestigious Ivy League school, to learn new brainwashing techniques for his regime.'I thought I knew all there was
Humor | Satire
Biden Announces Putin Meeting Was A Success, Hunter Now Has A Job With Russian Pipeline
GENEVA, RUSSIA - President Joe Biden has announced to the world that talks with Russian President Vladimir Putin have been a massive success. 'We had a real breakthrough, me and ol’ Putin,' said Biden triumphantly. 'I stared him down and said, &lsqu
Humor | Satire
People Who Ruined World's Economies Gather To Discuss How To Fix World's Economies
CORNWALL - According to sources, the people who ruined the world's economies by promoting lockdowns, economic shutdowns, and printing cash have gathered in the United Kingdom this week to discuss how to fix the world's economies.The very people who implem
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Were Your Ancestors Oppressed, Possibly Entitling You To Reparations? Take The Quiz!
Another handy Babylon Bee quiz to help you learn just the facts about whether or not you come from a line of ancestors who were oppressed by other humans!Not happy with your results? Refresh the page or click here to try again! ...
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Snopes Introduces New Rating: 'False For Now'
U.S. - World-renowned fact-checking website Snopes has unveiled a brand new fact check rating called 'False For Now.' This will allow them to provide a rating for claims that are just conspiracy theories uttered by deranged far-right people until they lat
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Biden Proposes $2 Trillion Bill To Study What's Causing Inflation Rates To Rise
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Biden proposed a $2 trillion spending bill Monday for the purpose of determining the cause of rising inflation. This is Biden’s fourth proposed $2 trillion bill in as many months.'The cause of inflation is a major concer
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Shocking Study Finds Paying People Not To Work Makes People Not Want To Work
U.S. - A surprising new study released Friday found that paying people not to work made people not want to work.Amid shockingly low job numbers released today, the study suggested that some of that low unemployment was due to the government sending everyo
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The Babylon Bee Fact-Checks 10 Controversial Statements From President Biden
It's hard to know what's true these days. That's why our fact-checkers work around the clock to protect you from dangerous misinformation that could lead your feeble little mind astray.How do Biden's most influential statements stand up to our rigorous fa
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Dems Committed To Utterly Destroying Black Man’s Optimism About Race Relations
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In the wake of a black man from the South expressing optimism about race in America, outraged liberals across the nation are doing everything in their power to crush that kind of positive thinking before it really gets out of hand.'Look
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Media Commits To Creating 25% More Racism In 2021
U.S. - After a successful 2020, media organizations have announced a cooperative effort to create at least 25% more racism in the year 2021. 'Racism is our lifeblood, it's what we live to talk about every single day,' said CNN President Jeff Zucker. 'We w
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Losing Baseball Team Suggests New Rules Allowing Them To Add 4 Players To The Field
HAMPTON FALLS, VA - The official softball team of Gracecornerstonelife Church in Hampton Falls was losing fair and square against the Mormon team last weekend. But then, they had a great idea: 'rebalancing' the field by adding four of their own players to
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BLM Founder Calls For Abolishing Police In All The Areas Where She Doesn't Live
LOS ANGELES, CA - BLM co-founder and 'trained Marxist' Patrisse Cullors has called for defunding the police in response to police shootings. She later clarified, however, that she only supports abolishing police in all the areas where she doesn't live. 'T
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Democrats Warn That If HR 1 Isn’t Passed, Republicans Could Win Some Elections
WASHINGTON D.C. - As states like Georgia move to change voting laws, Democrats are pushing a federal voting law, HR 1, to take over voting in all states and counteract such moves. And as they promote the law, Democrats have a dire warning: If HR 1 isn&rsq
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Dems: 'We Will Not Legitimize Georgia's Racist Election Law By Reading It To See What It Says'
U.S. - Democrats are condemning the racist racism of Georgia's racist election law. To show how very angry and opposed to the law they are, Democrats are refusing to read the law to find out what it actually says. 'Listen-- this law was passed by Republic
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Mother Who Gave Life To 3 Beautiful Children Doesn't Wonder Whether She's 'As Good As A Man'
TAMPA, FL - As the world bickers back and forth over men or women being better, local stay-at-home mom Sally Glover has announced that she doesn’t have to worry about that at all, according to sources. 'I guess I never had to ask myself if I was jus
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Service Stations Begin Widening Signs In Preparation For Higher Gas Prices
U.S. - Service stations across the country have begun widening their signs in preparation for higher gas prices, sources confirmed Thursday.The wider signs allow for prices up to eight digits long, 'an absolute necessity' for the Biden presidency, accordi
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Stubborn God Still Refusing To Change With The Times
WORLD - In defiance of changing cultural norms, the Creator of the universe stubbornly announced his plans to stay the same forever, no matter what anyone says. 'I am the same yesterday, today, and forever,' The Almighty reportedly said to the writer of H
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Land On Your Feet: 7 Great Career Choices For Laid-Off Journalists
So, you've just been laid off as a journalist. Sad. Not good! But you need to buck up, because there are a lot of great career choices for you that can leverage your unique skills as a reporter and a destroyer of people's lives.Try your hand at one of the
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Harvard Now Offering Four-Year Degree In Feeling Oppressed
CAMBRIDGE, MA - Responding to consumer demand, Ivy League bellwether Harvard University announced Monday its new four-year Bachelor’s degree in Feeling Oppressed.'For those lucky enough to be able to afford the quarter-million-dollar cost of attendi
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'There Is No Crisis At The Border,' Says Jen Psaki While Attempting Jedi Mind Trick
WASHINGTON, D.C. - During a press conference today, Press Secretary Jen Psaki attempted a Jedi mind trick on the reporters present after they asked her about the crisis at the border.After a reporter asked the question, Psaki closed her eyes as though in
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Congressional Republicans Make Deal: Democrats Get Everything They Want, But Mr. Potato Head Will Stay Male
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Congressional Republicans struck a deal today, declaring that Democrats will get everything they want, but Mr. Potato Head will stay a male.The deal means that Democrats' entire radical leftist agenda will proceed as planned, as long as
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How to Be Less Woke — For Dummies | The American Spectator | USA News and PoliticsThe American Spectator | USA News and Politics
I love Coca-Cola, at least when it mixes with my Pampero aged rum and rocks of ice the size of...
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Coca-Cola Holds Training Telling Polar Bears To Be Less White
ATLANTA, GA - Coca-Cola held training last week telling its polar bear mascots to be less white, sources within the company confirmed Thursday.A leaked slideshow trains the polar bears to stop being so white and to be more like black and brown bears.'You
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Support Grows For All Of Congress To Be Permanently Relocated To Cancun
CANCUN - A petition calling for all of Congress to permanently join Ted Cruz in Mexico has gained over 138 million signatures overnight, setting a single-day signature record for petition site change.org. Many pundits are calling the petition the first re
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Trump Now Most Acquitted President In History
U.S. - President Donald Trump made history once again today after being acquitted in his second Senate impeachment trial. He is now the most acquitted president in American history.Donald Trump issued a statement regarding this incredible honor.'I have be
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In Mail-In Impeachment Vote, Senate Convicts Trump 8275 To 3 | The Babylon Bee
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138,000 Points Suddenly Awarded To Losing Team At Halftime
TAMPA, FL - Though they had been trailing in the Super Bowl throughout most of the first quarter, the Kansas City Chiefs were suddenly awarded 138,000 points at halftime, sources confirmed Sunday evening.'After closer examination, we discovered several mo
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BLM Nominated For New Nobel 'Mostly Peaceful' Prize
STOCKHOLM - The Nobel Committee has announced they have nominated Black Lives Matter for the brand new Nobel 'Mostly Peaceful' Prize for its hard work bringing attention to racism by burning down cities around the world.'No one has done more to contribute
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Congress To Retroactively Impeach All Previous Republican Presidents
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Congress has announced plans to retroactively impeach all previous Republican presidents.'We must spend our time working on important things, like impeaching all these presidents who aren't in office anymore,' said Speaker of the House
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Congress To Retroactively Impeach All Previous Republican Presidents | The Babylon Bee
The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.
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Man Who Called Half The Country Racists All Year Calls For Unity
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The man who strongly implied half the nation were racist, Nazi, white supremacists for the entire presidential campaign has called for the nation to unify, sources confirmed Tuesday.'It is time for us to unite,' said the man who ran on
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Biden Announces Rollback Of All Jobs Created By Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a surprise announcement at the start of the week, President Biden revealed that, for the good of the country, he will be eliminating all jobs created by Trump.'Listen, folks-- it's time to wash away the mistakes of the past,' said Bi
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Fireworks Erupt Over Beijing To Celebrate Biden Inauguration
BEIJING - Fireworks erupted over Beijing in the middle of the night to celebrate Biden's inauguration as president.President Xi Jinping presided over the ceremony in which Chinese officials launched fireworks to honor Joe Biden and his plans to help China
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Most Popular President In History To Be Inaugurated In Secret Behind Giant Wall Guarded By Thousands Of Soldiers
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President-elect Joe Biden will be inaugurated this week, and due to his incredible popularity with the American people, he will be inaugurated in a top-secret location behind a massive 12-foot wall guarded by 30,000 soldiers. 'The reaso
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Georgia Voter Super Excited About Being Represented By The Preferred Candidates Of California Political Donors
ALPHARETTA, GA - After learning the results of Tuesday’s Georgia Senatorial run-off elections, voter Nathan Sherman was quick to express his excitement.'As a lifelong Georgian, one thing I know for sure is how closely Georgians’ beliefs align
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Government Accidentally Shuts Itself Down With Ban On Non-Essential Businesses
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Congress has asked all non-essential businesses to limit their hours or close entirely for an undetermined amount of time.But this shutdown mistakenly shut down the most non-essential entity of all: the government. For a brief period of
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Biden Cuts Hole In Mask So He Can Still Sniff People's Hair
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Joe Biden has committed to wearing a mask in public to be a good example and to prevent the spread of COVID-19. Aides were disappointed and a little frightened, however, when Biden immediately cut a large hole in the middle of the mask
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Man Who Has Been In Government For Nearly 50 Years Promises To Fix Government
U.S. - According to sources at the DNC, Joe Biden, a man who has been part of government since before Jaws, Star Wars, the Walkman, the NES, and the publishing of The Silmarillion, is just the man for the difficult task of fixing the government.'This man
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United Airlines Kicks 2-Year-Old Off Flight For Refusing To Say 'Black Lives Matter'
U.S. - United Airlines came under fire this week after forcefully removing a 2-year-old from a flight for refusing to say 'black lives matter.'We tried! We even practiced together for weeks,' said the sobbing mother on Facebook Live. 'But little Adeline c
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YouTube Accidentally Deletes CNN Russiagate Coverage While Banning Outlandish Conspiracy Theories
SAN BRUNO, CA - YouTube deployed an algorithm this week that scans the service for anyone questioning the election results or putting forth outlandish conspiracy theories that the political party who thinks Trump is as bad as Hitler might have been OK wit
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Project Veritas Shunned By Journalists For Practicing Journalism
U.S. - According to sources, a small band of guerrilla journalists known as Project Veritas is coming under fire for practicing actual journalism.'Apparently these guys didn't get the memo that 'journalism' is just a funny word we made up so people will t
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Progressive Marks Herself Safe From Feelings Of Gratitude This Year
PORTLAND, OR—Local progressive woman Willow Xanderson has marked herself safe from feeling any kind of gratitude, thankfulness, or recognition that all good things in her life come from objective sources of goodness outside herself, sources confirme
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Walmart Thanks Government For Completely Obliterating Their Small Business Competition
U.S.—In an open letter addressed to state officials, Walmart leadership expressed gratefulness to the government for inflating their sales and stock price while completely pulverizing their small business competition. "Yeah, we know 2
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Hard-Working Plumber Looking Forward To Paying For His Neighbor’s Gender Studies Degree
PADUCAH, KY—With Democrats proposing the mass cancellation of student debt, successful Americans around the country are really looking forward to paying taxes to relieve the debt of people who purchased expensive yet useless college degrees. One loc
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Twitter Fact-Checks Harry Potter's Claim That Voldemort Has Returned
LONDON—As part of its efforts to counter harmful misinformation on its platform, a cooperative effort with the Ministry of Magic, Twitter has issued a fact-check on Harry Potter's claim that Voldemort has returned.After the Boy Who Lived tweeted
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Study Finds Connection Between Getting Your Way And Calling For Unity
U.S.—A groundbreaking new study has found a strong correlation between getting your way and calling for unity with the other side. Researchers found that when people get everything they want politically, they are three times more
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Party Against Fascism Begins Creating Lists Of Undesirables
In the latest effort to defeat fascism once and for all, Democrat operatives have begun to compile a list of people who disagree with them politically so they can destroy their lives forever."These undesirables must be held accountable," sa
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Business Owners Boarding Up In Case Party Of Love And Tolerance Loses
U.S.—Business owners in Democrat-controlled cities are boarding up in preparation for an onslaught of mostly peaceful demonstrations should Trump win the election Tuesday.The real concern is that the party of love and tolerance loses the election.&q
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Democrats Propose Stopping Coyotes By Distracting Them With Decoy Roadrunners
EL PASO, TX—After Trump brought attention to the coyote epidemic at the southern border during the debates, Democrats on Twitter are offering unique solutions to the problem, such as setting up decoy roadrunners to distract the coyotes."Ev
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50 Cent Appeals To New Trump Supporter Fanbase With Country Album
NASHVILLE, TN—After losing most of his fanbase due to his endorsement of Donald Trump for president, rapper 50 Cent has announced he will be moving to Nashville and releasing a country album to reach out to his new Trump-supporting fanbase.The upcom
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ACB Calmly Answers Questions While Typing Up Appellate Court Decision And Cooking Dinner For 9
WASHINGTON, D.C.—It was quite a spectacle at the Senate hearing for Amy Coney Barrett's nomination to the Supreme Court this morning, as Judge Barrett calmly answered the committee's questions while cooking dinner for her family of nine with
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Teachers Unions Promise School Will Resume As Soon As The Teachers Are Done Campaigning For Biden
U.S.—Facing growing frustration from parents over prolonged school closures, the American Federation of Teachers has released a statement promising school will resume just as soon as all the public school teachers are done campaigning for Biden.&nbs
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Biden Claims Communist China Is 'Just An Idea'
U.S.—Joe Biden claimed in a speech today that Communist China is "just an idea" and "not a real organization."He pointed out to his seven followers gathered and socially distanced that there's no real evidence the communist n
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Democrats Prepare To Give Republicans Free Ad Footage Of Them Attacking Successful, Religious Mother Of 7
WASHINGTON, D.C.—With Judge Amy Coney Barrett's confirmation hearings coming up in just two short weeks, Democrats say they are excited to give Republicans free ad campaign footage of them interrogating a successful, powerful, religious mother o
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Anonymous White House Source Claims Trump Punched A Baby
WASHINGTON, D.C.—An anonymous report from anonymous sources confirmed without a doubt that Trump has punched a baby directly in the face, completely unprovoked. According to the anonymous sources that are so anonymous they speak mainly through
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'Trump Might Not Accept The Results Of The 2020 Election,' Says Movement That Still Hasn't Accepted Results Of 2016 Election
U.S.—Leftists are warning that President Donald Trump might not accept the results of the 2020 election.These same leftists have spent the last four years declaring that Trump is not their president, that Hillary Clinton actually won because she won
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Chicago White Sox To Drop Offensive 'White' From Name
CHICAGO, IL—Amid mounting pressure from a coordinated campaign of 12 mentally ill Twitter users, Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf has confirmed the franchise will finally be dropping the offensive word “white” from their name.&ldq
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Omar: 'We Must Dismantle The Oppressive System That Allowed A Refugee To Get Elected To The Highest Legislative Body In The Land'
WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a press conference earlier this week, Representative Ilhan Omar called on the nation to dismantle the oppressive, racist system that allowed a Somalian refugee to become a citizen and get elected to the highest legislati
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Doctors Recommend Locking Down And Reopening Repeatedly Until Everyone Has Nervous Breakdown
U.S.—A survey of leading physicians unanimously agreed that the best response to COVID-19 is for the government to lock everything down, then reopen, then lock down again, then reopen again and to just keep doing that until everyone completely loses
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Cities Protecting Statues By Disguising Them As Karl Marx
U.S.—Looking to protect their statues and other municipal monuments, cities and towns across the country have begun disguising their statues as Karl Marx.City councils all over are ordering Karl Marx wigs and putting them on Teddy Roosevelt, George
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Liberals Heroically Prevent History From Repeating Itself By Removing All References To History
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SCOTUS Hopes No One Realizes They Lost Their Only Copy Of The Constitution
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Disaster has hit the Supreme Court, as they have reportedly lost their only copy of the Constitution. They aren’t sure who had it last -- Justices Elena Kagan and Clarence Thomas were each arguing that the other did -- but no
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White Democrat Leaders Take Stand Against White Privilege By Resigning From Congress
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Denouncing the white privilege from which they've benefited their entire lives, white Democrat leaders announced today they would be resigning from Congress to allow more diverse voices to be heard.Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, B
