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Attorney General Reminds Americans That Questioning The 2024 Election Is Illegal Unless Trump Wins
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General Merrick Garland responded to questions about election integrity and the peaceful transfer of power Friday by reminding everyone that questioning the results of a lawful election is illegal — unless Trump wins.
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Boeing Compensates Stranded Astronauts With $50 Red Lobster Gift Cards
U.S. — Boeing rushed to the aid of astronauts stranded aboard the International Space Station by offering them $50 gift cards to Red Lobster.
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Afroman - Hunter Got High (Official Video)
Support Afroman and what this video is about by buying HUNTER GOT HIGH merch! LET PEOPLE KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! https://basterecords.com/pages/artists/afroman-me...
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In Major Blow To Democracy, Supreme Court Rules Voters Can Vote For Favorite Candidate
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning unanimous decision that dealt a shocking blow to democracy, the United States Supreme Court affirmed that people can vote for the candidate they want.
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Hillary Releases New Line Of Cement Shoes
U.S. — Not to be outdone by former President Trump, Hillary Clinton announced she had released her own line of shoes that come with just enough cement in the bottom to sink straight to the bottom of the sea.
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Man Ruled Too Senile To Stand Trial Still Fine To Run Country
U.S. — Special Counsel Robert Hur will not recommend charges for Biden's mishandling of classified documents on the grounds that he's too old and senile to stand trial.
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Trump Swing-State Lead Expected To Hold Until 3 A.M. On Election Night
NEW YORK, NY — Political analysts and media pundits alike were stunned by recent poll results showing former President Donald Trump taking a commanding lead over Joe Biden across several swing states. Experts predict Trump's lead will hold steady u
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Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As evidence of bribery and corruption by the Biden family continues to mount, Democrat lawmakers in the nation's capital have expressed heavy skepticism, saying they will need a lot more than just eyewitnesses, financial records,
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With All Other Companies Going Woke, Conservatives Make Last Stand At Texas Buc-ee's
NEW BRAUNFELS, TX — In the wake of many popular retail chains, restaurants, and merchandise vendors falling to the ever-growing trend of woke ideology, conservatives nationwide have hastily holed themselves up at a local Buc-ee's to make their last
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Walking might be good for you, but it also ruins your life
When you walk, the truth appears, annoying and inevitable, and all the fantasies about eternal youth and bodily perfection become vain
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Democrats Vow To Arrest As Many Political Opponents As It Takes To Defeat Fascism
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference held in support of Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg yesterday, Democrats vowed to arrest as many political opponents as it would take to defeat fascism.
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Ilhan Omar Withdraws Support For East Palestine After Learning It’s In America
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Ilhan Omar has canceled a planned rally to support the victims of the East Palestine chemical spill after learning East Palestine is actually in America.
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30 Other Things Investigators Found In Biden’s Garage
Investigators found classified documents in President Biden's garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!
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Yet Another Stash Of Classified Documents Discovered During Biden’s Colonoscopy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House is on edge this morning after investigators revealed a fourth stash of classified documents from Biden's tenure as Vice President was found deep in his colon.
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Clowns Debate Who Will Be Elected Next King Of The Clowns
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to reports, a group of clowns has gathered at the Capitol Building to debate over who should be the next king over all the clowns.
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Republicans Gather In Congress To Vote On Who Will Fail The Voters This Time
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, Republicans in Congress are gathering to vote for their preferred politician who will let the voters down over the next two years.
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Democrats Vow To Find New Social Platform That Will Censor The News About What They Did On Twitter
U.S. — Democrats have dedicated themselves to finding a new social media platform that will agree to censor damaging stories coming about how they used other social media platforms to censor damaging stories.
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In Huge Black Friday Sale, Store To Sell Everything For Price It Was Before Biden Became President
RALEIGH, NC — A local retailer is making waves after announcing its most dramatic Black Friday sale ever, in which every item in the store is marked down to whatever the price was before Biden became President.
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Newly Hired Restaurant Hostess Receives Ceremonial Nose Ring
PORTLAND, OR — An age-old tradition continued today as a newly hired restaurant hostess received her ceremonial nose ring in front of her colleagues following the end of her initial shift.
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'Women Are So Emotional,' Says Man Whose Entire Mood Hinges On Performance Of Favorite Sportsball Team
TUSCALOOSA, AL — According to sources close to local man Greg Bernard, the construction sales representative, husband, and father of five often makes cracks about how emotional and moody his wife is, despite the fact that he himself is only happy if his
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Wally Accused Of Quiet Quitting
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10 Signs Your Wife's Fall Decor Has Gotten Out Of Control
It's that time of year again when our wives, intoxicated by the powerful and mysterious aroma of pumpkin spice, break out the autumn decor and transform your home into a quaint slice of farmhouse heaven. But how much is too much? Here are 10 signs yo
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Drug Company Unveils New Drug To Fix Side Effect From Other Drug That Fixed Side Effect From Other Drug
TOKYO — Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has announced a new drug to fix the side effect from their last new drug, which was developed to fix the side effect from the one before that.
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Redacted Affidavit Just Says 'Orange Man Bad'
U.S. — The Department of Justice has released the redacted affidavit leading to the search of former president Trump's home at Mar-a-Lago, and it appears every single word was blacked out except three in the middle: ORANGE MAN BAD.
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Biden To Forgive $10k In Student Loans -- In Unrelated News, Nation’s Colleges Raise Tuition By $10k
CAMBRIDGE, MA — President Biden announced plans today to forgive $10,000 in student loan debt for anyone making less than $125k per year. In completely unrelated news, the nation's colleges and universities announced plans to immediately raise tuit
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At The End Of The Day
The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.
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After Seeing The Jump In Trump’s Poll Numbers, Biden Orders FBI To Raid His House Too
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources close to the Biden Administration, President Biden responded to seeing Trump's jump in poll numbers by ordering the FBI to raid his house too.
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Sharpened My Focus
The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.
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Dilbert Comic Strip on June 17, 2022
The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.
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Is Hillary Clinton Sending Hitmen After You? Look For These Troubling Signs
Uh oh! You just came across something incriminating about Hillary Clinton! Whatever you do, don't go to the press! They know everything anyway. Trust no one!Oh wait, you already blabbed to Jerry from marketing? Ugh, okay. Better be on your guard.Look for
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Congress Votes On Bill To Legalize Clinton-Assisted Suicide
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The US House of Representatives is scheduled to vote on a healthcare bill that, if passed, will legalize Clinton-assisted suicide in all 50 states. The bill is expected to pass easily in the Democrat majority house after which the bill
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Buffalo Hat-Wearing Elizabeth Warren Leads Insurrection Against Supreme Court
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Eyewitnesses reported Senator Elizabeth Warren donned a buffalo hat and led a group of bloodthirsty insurrectionists up the marble steps of the Supreme Court Building Wednesday morning. According to sources, they are outraged that the m
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Identify Any Way You Want
The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.
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Eccentric Billionaire Accomplishes More For Free Speech In One Afternoon Than Republicans Have In Decades
WORLD - According to sources, an eccentric immigrant entrepreneur from South Africa just accomplished more for free speech than Republicans have in decades of controlling the government, wielding Federal power, and spending trillions of dollars.'Wow! Who
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Chris Wallace Now Regretting Getting CNN+ Tramp Stamp
U.S. - Chris Wallace’s name started trending along with search terms 'unemployed' and 'learn to code' when CNN+ shut down this week, but Wallace has voiced a more troubling concern than potential joblessness: his recently-acquired CNN+ tattoo on his
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Hard Work Will Be Rewarded
The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.
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Man Wears Cargo Shorts Causing Hundreds Of Women To Stumble Into Sinful Lust
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA - Local man Dan Boats is being placed under church discipline after several reports of him wearing cargo shorts in public - a practice guaranteed to cause women who see them to stumble into sinful lust.'Many men claim to wear cargo sh
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Psaki Reminds Reporters That Biden Doesn't Speak For The President Of The United States
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a tense press conference Monday, Press Secretary Jen Psaki faced pointed questions about several Biden misstatements that led to chaos during his trip overseas. Psaki quickly reassured the gathered press that Biden doesn't speak for
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Finally: Peter Doocy And Jen Psaki Announce Their Engagement
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After over a year of courtship, Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy and White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki have announced they are finally tying the knot. 'Um, on a personal note, I would like to announce that I will soon be stepping
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The Babylon Bee's Man Of The Year Is Rachel Levine
The Babylon Bee has selected Rachel Levine as its first annual Man of the Year. Levine is the U.S. assistant secretary for health for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, where he serves proudly as the first man in that position to dress like
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Trump Promises That If Reelected He Will Turn Fauci Into A Piñata And Let Every American Take One Whack
MAR-A-LAGO, FL - In a speech this week, Trump hinted strongly that he will run for reelection in 2024. He then ginned up excitement for his potential campaign by promising that if re-elected, he will turn Fauci into a piñata and let every American
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Biden Promises To Replace Retiring Quarterback Tom Brady With A Woman Of Color
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Legendary quarterback Tom Brady has announced his plan to retire from the NFL to spend more time carving little wooden toys for his grandkids. In response to the earth-shattering news, President Joe Biden has announced his commitment to
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New Minnie Mouse Pantsuit Design Includes Baton For Beating Uyghur Prisoners
PARIS - Minnie Mouse will be sporting a new look this March for Women's History Month when she finalizes her divorce from Mickey and becomes an independent businesswoman in a pantsuit. The new outfit comes with a stylish baton for beating Uyghur prisoners
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Biden Puts 8,000 Troops On Alert In Case Peter Doocy Retaliates
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Pentagon officials have confirmed that Biden placed 8,000 troops on high alert to protect the White House in case Fox News reporter Peter Doocy retaliates for Biden insulting him in a press conference yesterday.'Listen, man, I want thos
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Biden Administration Mounts Daring Mission To Evacuate Hunter’s Remaining Cash From Ukraine
UKRAINE - As Russian troops assemble at Ukraine's border ahead of a possible land invasion, President Biden has taken swift action by deploying an elite seal team to evacuate his son Hunter's money.'At my direction, military operatives infiltrated a bank
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Taking Care Of It
The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.
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FBI Hosts Annual January 6 Reunion
We're live on the scene at the Capitol building as the FBI hosts their beloved annual January 6 reunion. Good times!Become a premium subscriber: https://bab...
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Twelve Days of Christmas performed by Bob and Doug McKenzie
Bob and Doug McKenzie (Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas) from SCTV perform "The 12 Days of Christmas" from their album 'Great White North.'I do not own anything.
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BBC Miranda Series 2 Episode 6 The Perfect Christmas Full Episode
It's Christmas and Miranda, for once, would like a relaxing and fun time without her parents. After Penny's Best Christmas Jumper Party on the 23rd of Decemb...
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Wally Gets Covid Often
The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.
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Biden Warns Russia That If They Invade Ukraine, America Will Evacuate Haphazardly And Leave $86 Billion In Weapons Behind
WASHINGTON, D.C. - As Russia appears poised to invade Ukraine, Biden today issued a forceful statement warning Putin that if he does, America will evacuate haphazardly and leave $86 billion in weapons behind.'Listen, folks...for real this time...no joke..
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Man Born With Incredible Superpower Of Picking Slowest Grocery Store Lane 100% Of The Time
AMES, IA - Local man Justin Parkinson isn't like ordinary people. He was born with a superpower. Parkinson, according to sources, has the ability to pick the absolute slowest grocery store lane every single time.'I was just born this way,' he said, shrugg
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Recently Pardoned Turkey Found Dead After Claiming To Have Dirt On Hillary Clinton
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A turkey recently pardoned by President Trump was found dead after claiming to have dirt on the Clintons, sources at the FBI confirmed today.The official cause of death was suicide, though the bullet wounds were in the back of the turke
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Prosecutors Find Mail-In Jury Votes At 3AM, Rittenhouse Now Guilty
KENOSHA, WI - In a stunning reversal, Kyle Rittenhouse awoke this morning to discover that he had been found guilty after all.Prosecutors explained that during the night, they had found dozens of mail-in jury votes declaring the defendant guilty on all co
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Oh No! 85,000 Trump Ballots Found Inside Biden's Colon
BETHESDA, MD - While performing a routine colonoscopy of President Biden, doctors at the Walter Reed Medical Center made a surprising discovery inside the President’s colon: 85,000 Trump ballots. 'At first we were incredulous as to what the monitor
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Aaron Rodgers Beats Fiancée, Murders A Few Guys On The Street So NFL Will Embrace Him Again
GREEN BAY, WI - Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers stirred up controversy last week when it was discovered that instead of taking the safe and effective Covid vaccine, like all the other NFL players, he had immunized himself by drinking a pint of
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Joe Biden Invites Brandon To The White House To Congratulate Him For His Success
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Biden has invited national hero 'Brandon' to the White House to congratulate him on his smashing success at football games, NASCAR races, and even gatherings of New York City educators.'Wow, this Brandon must be quite a fella!
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Aides Quickly Drag President Away As He Tries To Join In ‘F*** Joe Biden’ Chant
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Biden took a much-needed break from his 4-hour workdays and late-night Matlock binges to attend the Congressional Baseball Game this past weekend, but things quickly went south when he attempted to join the crowd in a rowdy 'F
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Greg Gutfeld: Climate change is saving hundreds of thousands of lives
Fact: more people died from cold weather than hot. A new Lancet study reports that while a half million people die from heat per year, roughly 4.5 million die from the cold.
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New Technology
The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.
